6 AM - 1 - Somber, Swiss Miss daiquiris; Openings. 2 - Ricaprio!; Early COW; MailBag. 3 - Marshall's News. 4 - Gas stations are gonna have booze on tap; HBO is gonna have a daily news show produced by Vice; Scientology doc "Going Clear" on HBO.
7 AM - 1 - Inmates at San Francisco Jail Say Deputies Forced Them to Fight "Gladiator Style"; Ted Cruz would be our first hispanic prez but no one is mentioning that. 2 - The Vallejo kidnap hoax thing just gets wackier. 3 - Marshall's News. 4 - "Trust Me, I'm Lying" book; Air marshalls know how to party.
8 AM - 1 - Alcohol is going to start listing nutrition stuff on their labels; DEA sex parties. 2 - ABC News correspondent Scott Goldberg. 3 - Marshall's News. 4 - Monsanto lobbyist says Roundup is safe but then refuses to drink it when offered a cup by a reporter.
9 AM - 1 - Late COW; Obama admin staffers never actually answer any questions. 2 - Washington Examiner's Susan Crabtree reports on the DEA agent sex parties and the risk of the "Taliban 5". 3 - Marshall's News. 4 - Arby's brought us hella food; Fake bewbz; Final Thoughts.